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Hey everyone… I saw this from a friend’s blog and decided to post it here… It’s very valuable insight even though most of us know it, are going through it, or just need to be reminded… here it is:
During one of our seminars, a woman asked a common question. She said, ‘How do I know if I married the right person?’
I noticed that there was a large man sitting next to her so I said, ‘It depends. Is that your husband?’
In all seriousness, she answered ‘How do you know?’
Let me answer this question because the chances are good that it’s weighing on your mind.
Here’s the answer.
EVERY relationship has a cycle. In the beginning, you fell in love with your spouse / partner . You anticipated their call, wanted their touch, and liked their idiosyncrasies (unconventional behavior/habit).Falling in love with your spouse wasn’t hard. In fact, it was a completely natural and spontaneous experience. You didn’t have to DO anything. That’s why it’s called ‘falling’ in love… Because it’s happening TO YOU .
People in love sometimes say, ‘I was swept off my feet.’ Think about the imagery of that __expression. It implies that you were just standing there; doing nothing, and then something came along and happened TO YOU .
Falling in love is easy . It’s a passive and spontaneous experience. But after a few years of marriage, the euphoria (excitement) of love fades. It’s the natural cycle of EVERY relationship . Slowly but surely, phone calls become a bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome (when it happens), and your spouse’s idiosyncrasies , instead of being cute, drive you nuts.
The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship, but if you think about your marriage, you will notice a dramatic difference between the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even angry subsequent stage.
At this point, you and/or your spouse might start asking, ‘Did I marry the right person?’ And as you and your spouse reflect on the euphoria of the love you once had, you may begin to desire that experience with someone else. This is when marriages breakdown . People blame their spouse for their unhappiness and look outside their marriage for fulfillment.
Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes. Infidelity is the most obvious. But sometimes people turn to work, a hobby, a friendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances.
But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your marriage. It lies within it. I’m not saying that you couldn’t fall in love with someone else. You could.
And TEMPORARILY you’d feel better. But you’d be in the same situation a few years later. Because (listen carefully to this):
THE KEY TO SUCCEEDING IN MARRIAGE IS NOT FINDING THE RIGHT PERSON; IT’S LEARNING TO LOVE THE PERSON YOU FOUND.
SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. It’ll NEVER just happen to you. You can’t ‘find’ LASTING love. You have to ‘make’ it day in and day out. That’s why we have the __expression ‘the labor of love.’ Because it takes time, effort, and energy . And most importantly, it takes WISDOM . You have to know WHAT TO DO to make your marriage work.
Make no mistake about it. Love is NOT a mystery. There are specific things you can do (with or without your spouse) to succeed with your marriage.
Just as there are physical laws of the universe (such as gravity), there are also laws for relationships. Just as the right diet and exercise program makes you physically stronger, certain habits in your relationship WILL make your marriage stronger. It’s a direct cause and effect. If you know and apply the laws, the results are predictable… you can ‘make’ love .
Love in marriage is indeed a ‘decision’… Not just a feeling.
Remember this always :
It is up to you to decide who you let walk away, who you let stay, and who you refuse to let go.
I have not made so many trips to home furniture stores so many times before in my life till now. (quite obviously)
It has been both exciting, and very daunting- financially. And it really means that both of you have to see eye to eye because otherwise, it will add up to marriage-frustrations.
You start to realise that most of the money that you earn, goes into all the big ticket furniture that is so painful to bear. Being a young lady like myself, it’s not easy to haveto set aside all these extra shopping dollars because my peers would be spending their dollars on something else.
Though I know it is good for me! Hope I don’t sound like I’m complaining..It’s just observation comments.
Although we have not had our customary wedding yet, it is really tough planning ahead, knowing your hard-earned dollars will be blown just like that. We checked with Amara Sentosa for a beach-style wedding- not possible; and the ballroom is a min. of 150 people, at about $890-ish a table.
Amara Sanctuary
Firstly, I don’t really have 150 friends and relatives, and secondly, it’s ridiculously expensive from what is potentially, bad tasting food. (one too many average tasting wedding food.)
All my colleagues (they are non-chinese/asians) are horrified at this customary dinner that retailers have been cashing in on. Hotels making this an expensive affair, relatives needing a “market rate” so that they know how to give a red packet… Is there a way we can balance superficial pride with a day of genuine celebration?
Someone please help me unravel this “traditional customary banquet”!!!
Since getting our marriage registered, we’ve started to live as husband as wife while living and working in a different country.
So we’re starting a new life together as a man and wife, AND we have to deal with it alone without help or advice from our family.
So now that we’re in Australia, there are just so many money holes to be wary of. The credit cards work differently, the superannuation investments (like our CPF) and thinking about making the best out of our rent (which is by far a rather ’stupid’ thing to do as commented by a traditional elder).
So even though money wise, there’s alot of decisions to make, it doesn’t make a difference if it’s in Singapore or Australia, being man and wife faces the same kind of questions and difficulties.
My mum never taught me the nitty gritty details of financial planning, and not to mention, our times are different from theirs. Now, experts are saying things that even though you’re not a millionaire, it’s important to have a pre-nuptial dealing with matters on kids and maybe even inheritances.
Let’s talk about the simpler things: like what kind of spending style are you and is your perception of money similar?
It is definitely important to talk about the important stuff, like expectations and roles. What role is the husband expected to play? What about the wife?
Here are some good links to have a look: (or google “suze orman”)
http://www.newlywedfinances.com/
http://financialplan.about.com/cs/personalfinance/a/Marriage.htm
http://www.smartmoney.com/divorce/marriage/index.cfm?story=mistakes
Here’s something to keep in mind:
“People tend to be emotional and reactive about money, not strategic,” she says.
As I’ve been doing some really hardcore housework recently, I’ve been doing some researching on food recipes, I stumbled upon this one for confinement mummies! Gotta keep this handy man!!! (even if it comes in a few years.)
Do-It-Yourself Confinement Menu
“You don’t have to be smart to be clever”
Food Budget: Approximately S$500-S$1200
(taken from http://www.makantime.com/confine1.htm)
Wow! Just found a marriage quiz that is provided by a government body in Singapore to help couples ask themselves the essentials to understanding what it takes to build a strong marriage.
The link is here!
