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We’ve gotten our dates! It’s going to be in November next year but I thought I might just start on understanding more on the traditions and customs of getting married.
Apart from the vague idea of “gate crashing”, tea ceremonies and having a wedding dinner, my mum tells me the cantonese way of a traditional chinese wedding custom. (I keep typing customer for some stupid reason.)
BEFORE THE WEDDING
The female side of the family will have to prepare some “bride cakes” (‘ga loi bang’ in cantonse means “getting married cakes”) and give to their relatives and friends as a symbol to announce that the daughter of the family is getting married. Apparently my mum had 500 cakes!!! One ‘rack’ has 22 cakes. So each one of the family is supposed to have one ‘rack’ This process is also called “Gor Da Lai”.
The second thing to check off your list (in addition to finding a geomancer to find an auspicisous date for your wedding), you have to find a good date to fix up your bed- the one you will sleep on after getting married.
It is said that you will need someone of good fortune or had led a good life to put the final touches to your bed. (i.e hit the bed in or place the blanket over it.)
old wives tale: Here’s a snippet of old wives tale. Apparently, if the bride is in a gown, she is NOT allowed to sit on the bed with her gown on. It is said that if she does, she will suffer awful morning sickness when she is pregnant. Don’t know how true is this but my mum claims that she never had morning sickness with 3 kids because she was so careful not to sit on the bed with her gown on!
ACTUAL DAY
On the night before the wedding, your (bride) mum or your grandmother is supposed to comb your hair for good fortune to come. It’s called 上头。 （Sorry don’t really know how else to say this.) and each comb is supposed to symbolise something. i.e (first comb to comb through for long and everlasting love. 白头偕老) When having your hair combed, you’re supposed to be naked. :\
Anyway, after which, you have to wear NEW apparel and in traditional ways, those clothes had to be made by someone of good fortune. But to cut short the process, just get new ones! Once you’ve donned on the new PJs, you’re not allowed out of the room until the next morning when the groom comes to pick you up!
HERE COMES THE GROOM
When the groom arrives, he is supposed to horn the car many times- loud enough for the 靠子 (kao zai in cantonese) to come and open the door. The kao zai is supposed to be someone related to the bride. The closer the better but not the father and has to be a boy. The kao zai will have to be accompanied with a ‘mei po’ which in traditional times, is the match maker.
The kao zai comes with oranges as a symbol of good luck and fortune and gives it to the groom to welcome him and he in return, packs him a red packet.
The usual bantering between the groom and sisters entail, with this process called “Gate crashing”. I shall not elaborate this here since it’s quite well known in Singapore.
After the groom comes to get his bride after “gate crashing”, the bride leaves for the groom’s place being sheltered with an umbrella while headed to the car. This is to symbolize sheltering her passage to a good family of sorts. It is of UTMOST IMPORTANCE that the bride DOES NOT turn back to get anything even if she has forgotten anything or dropped something. She has to focus on straight and not look back.
old wives tale: It is also an old wives tale that the bride should not wear gold when being “fetched” by the groom as this symbolizes the bride bringing away the wealth or riches of the female family.
The brides’s father or family should also throw rice on the car as a symbol of 1) getting fed well 2) good luck and fortune. Something like that!
Traditionally, the tea ceremony at the groom’s place has to be done in a “qua” (chinese traditional wedding costume). However due to inconvenience, most people forgo that. As usual, the parents or elder siblings give red packets in exchange for a tea as a symbol of blessing from the family.
After which, the bride and groom will have to bring a roast pig back to the bride’s place and the couple will then serve tea to the bride’s family. The bride will also give a small token in red packet to all her family members (could be $2) to symbolize that ’she has grown up’ and is old enough to give a red packet after getting married.
After the tea ceremony, the bride’s parents will have to cut the roast pig and give the groom the head and the tail of the pig as a ceremony procedure. Apparently, the traditional procedure involves giving a pair of sugar canes too.
THE ROAST PIG
According to my mum, this roast pig is not even any other roast pig but a pig which is well decorated and supposed to have a pants drapped over. It supposed to symbolize good luck and fortune for the groom and the off springs of the family. (presumably that everyone is wishing for a boy)
OKAY FOLKS! That was a long one. It sounds pretty comprehensive to me!
Next post…. the table where the groom and bride’s family sit and the bride’s family talks about jia juang (dowry)!
I figured Elvis has gotta make a way to your wedding! From my favourite movie when I was a little tiny girl.. Here’s earth angel featured in “Back to the future”
How could you not have this at the your wedding? It’s the song that brought them mum and dad back together!!
Ladies, here’s a tip for you.
After I went through my ROM photos, which was kindly taken by a few friends (who also do professional photography), I realise it’s not the photographer’s fault, that I am too crazy on the day itself.
You see, we like to be a bit more giggly than men. Happiness and all the romance goes to your head.. and.. to your behaviour. So we laugh too hard, or move too much and wham, a bad picture.
SO, Think, on your big day, THINK QUEEN ELIZABETH for a good picture at all angles. 
(Of course you gotta enjoy yourself too, but just bear in mind!)
I have been keeping my ears/eyes out for the perfect wedding song and even though I’m sure along the way, I would come up with some more, I think the perfect wedding song for me right now is, “So Close” by Jon Mclaughlin.
I mean, c’mon, with lyrics like this:
A life goes by
Romantic dreams will stop
So I bid mine goodbye and never knew
So close was waiting, waiting here with you
And now forever I know
All that I wanted to hold you
So close
I couldn’t find the original MTV, but here’s one static one just for the song.
My Second choice is “Your Guardian Angel” by The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus.
I love lyrics like this:
I will never let you fall
I’ll stand up with you forever
I’ll be there for you through it all
Even if saving you sends me to heaven
So my mum mentioned that when you plan that BIIIIGGG wedding with the dinner and all, you gotta make sure it is “accountable” in a sense, so that people know how much red packet to give you.
I mean, it does make sense- BUT I’m not really keen on having the ball room type wedding with chinese cold dish to add.
I’m looking forward to a more different and “white tent”, dream like wedding that I will remember for life and I want people walking away as though they just walked in and out of a dream like celebration.
Anyway.. so I was surfing… and surfing.. and BAM! I found this AMAZING site,
let me put it in full here and not a link cause I’m so excited to share this.
http://www.theknot.com or just theknot.com works.
Where’s my blogroll thing!! I need to get this favourite ASAP. It has EVERYTHING. Granted, it is not local, but it’s beautiful and gives you plenty of tips and tricks!!
I am sleepy and it’s 1:15am- I should be sleeping, but before I do, I wanted to blog about the auspicious date thing because it’s part of what we did for ROM. lol
During my producing days, I used to work with a Fengshui master, called Master Hui, and he consults all the ‘celebrities’ in Singapore. So, the fact that I knew he was not a dodgy guy, I told my hubby that we should go and get a date for our ROM even though we’re of another religion. No harm getting more help and blessings from fate right?
So we paid about slightly below 200 bucks for the dates. (He gave us 5 dates) He takes 2 weeks to calculate and you need to know all your birth-date, time, as well as your parents.
You can give him English date and he will convert to “chinese” (calendar) dates and then count from there.
For those who do not require this “auspicious date”, just take heart that you’re not chinese and don’t have such traditions. :p
I thought it was quite fun though. Calculating a date so we don’t have to crack our heads for a date ourselves! A word of caution, do consult your families on this because for us, we had some conflict on approaching who-whos.
So before you step on this turf, make sure the older folks are aware and all-approving of the traditional ways we- the younger generation- are adopting.
Places to find such tellers: shops selling Buddhism crafts (maybe), temples, ask the mums.
Ever since I saw this car at a wedding (outside when the bride ran out), I have never been able to forget it.
So before I forget, here is the dream car.
The very beautiful and romantic, Austin Sheerline!!!!
