We’ve gotten our dates! It’s going to be in November next year but I thought I might just start on understanding more on the traditions and customs of getting married.

Apart from the vague idea of “gate crashing”, tea ceremonies and having a wedding dinner, my mum tells me the cantonese way of a traditional chinese wedding custom. (I keep typing customer for some stupid reason.)

BEFORE THE WEDDING

The female side of the family will have to prepare some “bride cakes” (‘ga loi bang’ in cantonse means “getting married cakes”) and give to their relatives and friends as a symbol to announce that the daughter of the family is getting married. Apparently my mum had 500 cakes!!! One ‘rack’ has 22 cakes. So each one of the family is supposed to have one ‘rack’ This process is also called “Gor Da Lai”.

The second thing to check off your list (in addition to finding a geomancer to find an auspicisous date for your wedding), you have to find a good date to fix up your bed- the one you will sleep on after getting married. 

It is said that you will need someone of good fortune or had led a good life to put the final touches to your bed. (i.e hit the bed in or place the blanket over it.) 

old wives tale: Here’s a snippet of old wives tale. Apparently, if the bride is in a gown, she is NOT allowed to sit on the bed with her gown on. It is said that if she does, she will suffer awful morning sickness when she is pregnant. Don’t know how true is this but my mum claims that she never had morning sickness with 3 kids because she was so careful not to sit on the bed with her gown on!

ACTUAL DAY

On the night before the wedding, your (bride) mum or your grandmother is supposed to comb your hair for good fortune to come. It’s called 上头。 （Sorry don’t really know how else to say this.) and each comb is supposed to symbolise something. i.e (first comb to comb through for long and everlasting love. 白头偕老) When having your hair combed, you’re supposed to be naked. :\

Anyway, after which, you have to wear NEW apparel and in traditional ways, those clothes had to be made by someone of good fortune. But to cut short the process, just get new ones! Once you’ve donned on the new PJs, you’re not allowed out of the room until the next morning when the groom comes to pick you up!

HERE COMES THE GROOM

When the groom arrives, he is supposed to horn the car many times- loud enough for the 靠子 (kao zai in cantonese) to come and open the door. The kao zai is supposed to be someone related to the bride. The closer the better but not the father and has to be a boy. The kao zai will have to be accompanied with a ‘mei po’ which in traditional times, is the match maker. 

The kao zai comes with oranges as a symbol of good luck and fortune and gives it to the groom to welcome him and he in return, packs him a red packet. 

The usual bantering between the groom and sisters entail, with this process called “Gate crashing”. I shall not elaborate this here since it’s quite well known in Singapore. 

After the groom comes to get his bride after “gate crashing”, the bride leaves for the groom’s place being sheltered with an umbrella while headed to the car. This is to symbolize sheltering her passage to a good family of sorts. It is of UTMOST IMPORTANCE that the bride DOES NOT turn back to get anything even if she has forgotten anything or dropped something. She has to focus on straight and not look back. 

old wives tale: It is also an old wives tale that the bride should not wear gold when being “fetched” by the groom as this symbolizes the bride bringing away the wealth or riches of the female family. 

The brides’s father or family should also throw rice on the car as a symbol of 1) getting fed well 2) good luck and fortune. Something like that!

Traditionally, the tea ceremony at the groom’s place has to be done in a “qua” (chinese traditional wedding costume). However due to inconvenience, most people forgo that. As usual, the parents or elder siblings give red packets in exchange for a tea as a symbol of blessing from the family. 

After which, the bride and groom will have to bring a roast pig back to the bride’s place and the couple will then serve tea to the bride’s family. The bride will also give a small token in red packet to all her family members (could be $2) to symbolize that ’she has grown up’ and is old enough to give a red packet after getting married. 

After the tea ceremony, the bride’s parents will have to cut the roast pig and give the groom the head and the tail of the pig as a ceremony procedure. Apparently, the traditional procedure involves giving a pair of sugar canes too. 

THE ROAST PIG

According to my mum, this roast pig is not even any other roast pig but a pig which is well decorated and supposed to have a pants drapped over. It supposed to symbolize good luck and fortune for the groom and the off springs of the family. (presumably that everyone is wishing for a boy)

OKAY FOLKS! That was a long one. It sounds pretty comprehensive to me!

Next post…. the table where the groom and bride’s family sit and the bride’s family talks about jia juang (dowry)!